" HEY, I'M TALKIN' TO YOU "
LATRELL SPREWELL GUNS FOR NOBEL PRIZE !!
Yo, Homes, Latrell here, sending out a shot to my lawyer Johnny Cockroach and all my Boyz in the hoop hood. Hey, what's all this mess I'm in?
So I choked out PJ Carlissimo. That cracker can't talk to ME that way, I got MONEY, understand what I'm saying? No pasty-face, potato-lookin', eye-talian going to tell Latrell nothing, no how, no way.
So I called a cop who pulled me over a 'Jap' and told him he could get shot real easy in this hood. I ask you - did I lie? Man was a jap. Man could get shot. Case closed, defense rests.
So, I went after my own teammate Jerome Kersey with a 2x4, and went to get my Nine after that. Boo-hoo. Hey, Jerome's a brother, so it don't count.
Bunch of damn lies, anyway. Like I said at the news conference - took me 10 years to build up this rep and Hey, I'm talkin' to YOU - this is a racist bad rap I got.
Some skeezer said I didn't do myself any favors by showing up at the press conference with a bunch of players who look like they came from Crip Night at the National Gang Association dinner & drive-by. Or that my boy Johnny Cockroach is, well, a cockroach. Hey, right now OJ's bending down over the first tee at Coral Gables instead of a lifer at Lompoc, so just what the fuck do they know?
Shit. Now I got to hang for one long year. Except I got me a plan, show the whole world Latrell Sprewell's the better man. Man....Plan..... damn, I'm a poet and don't know it. Going to the United Nations. Going to solve all the biggest problems in the world. Then get reinstated. Hey, I'm talkin' to YOU, unless you're a jap or something. I figure my services should be worth, oh, $32 million. Want a little sample? Here's Latrell's Plan For World Peace.
Castro: Whack him in the ass with a 2x4
Ghadaffi: 2x4 ass-whack
Hussein: Ass-whack, 2x4
Yeltsin: Get him drunk, then whack, whack, whack
Timothy McViegh: Knick-knack, paddywhack, smack that cracker's bone. With a 2x4
Global Warming &
Greenhouse Gasses: Say what?
China: Got to use my Nine on this one.
North Korea: Hey, no Korean ever called me the "N" word. Got no beef with them. Italy,
now, it'd be a old-school, 360-downtown, slam-dunk, 2x4 ass-whackin'
Middle East: Big Booty ass-whack, 2x4-style
Taxes: Shit, this one's easy. Take all that money going to the army, give half to
Me. Then, go to Builder's Square, buy a dump truck full of 2x4's, hand
'em out to the soldier-boyz. Fuck them tanks and planes and shit. One neutron
2x4 bomb, it's all over.
See how easy Latrell's plan is? Anybody got a problem with that? You're damn right there ain't a problem. You think there is, Larell got a 2x4 for you.